Let’s talk about self talk.
Everyone has a certain level of self talk. Some people do not even realize they have any level of self talk, but it is there. Other people, including my grandmother, talk to, or have talked to, themselves out loud all day long. I’m not quite that bad (or good), but my penchant for self talk obviously came from her, may she rest in peace.
You are your own best friend.
Look at it this way. You are your own best friend and your own worst enemy. You might as well take advantage of that fact for the better. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself you are wonderful. Tell yourself you really are human and can make mistakes just like every other human on this planet. Statistics tell us, people who talk to themselves are happier, more normal people.
And strike up a running conversation with yourself, letting you know you chose the right cup of coffee this morning. Let yourself know it’s alright that you yelled at your spouse last night but tonight you can apologize and try to find common ground. Let your best friend walk you through the day, play by play, they will be with you.
Self judgement is difficult.
As you admit to yourself that this situation or that situation didn’t turn out to the best, next time you can do better. We can all look at our friends and family and tell what they are doing wrong or could do better, it comes from us being social animals. But we can’t very well turn that crystal clear judgment to ourselves without seeming narcissistic, or worse, over critical. That particular attitude came from our mothers.
Except we are past the child stage of life, we need to pick up better tools for living an adult life. Being too critical of oneself isn’t the act of an adult, it’s the act of a child. So we need to learn how to speak with ourselves and to do it beneficially.
We are human, we make mistakes.
We start out by giving ourselves a pat on the back for getting up and trying. If you don’t get off the couch, you’ll never get it done, whatever it is. Next we need to realize if you aren’t making a mistake here and there then you aren’t doing anything. You aren’t out of your comfort zone.
Being our own best friend means getting out of your comfort zone with a pal. You can walk and talk yourself right into a better life. If you’re walking through life and not talking to yourself, how do you expect to arrive at your destination.
Tony Robbins once related the story of an airplane going from one destination to the next. The pilot and crew has to constantly adjust the plane to keep it on track, and keep the plane at the proper altitude and speed. The crew can’t call the tower every few seconds to see if the plane is on the right course, the crew has to do that themselves.
You are the pilot of your life, and self talk acts like your crew. How do you become good at self talk? One, you have to start talking. Silently, or out loud, whatever feels better. Tell yourself right now you are going to start treating yourself better. And then tell yourself that again. the trick is to keep at it.
The actual act of talking to yourself is the first step. And keep it going. Every chance you get. Second, pick up a good book on self talk. HUH? You mean I really was talking about something real? So real there are BOOKS about it? Yes, so real there are books about it.
What to say.
One of the best is “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.” by Shad Helmstetter. He’s a PHD. He knows what he’s talking about, and apparently he’s talked to himself a lot because he is very successful in his life and with his book. Click on the book to buy it.
He’s so successful, he’s sold 20 books in over 65 different countries. This guy knows what he’s talking about. This is without a doubt the top book on the subject. It has also been recently updated for the 21st Century, so check it out.
Another good one is “Me, Myself, and Lies: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” By Jennifer Rothschild. Click on the book to buy it.
Jennifer does a good job of highlighting the lies we tell ourselves to justify our bad behaviors, instead of correcting them. And she has good ideas on what to say instead.
She points out an important issue with self talk, and that is of being HONEST with ourselves. This is a tough issue for a lot of people as we were taught at a young age that if we tell the truth of what we’ve done, we get punished. If we tell ourselves the truth, we have to DEAL with the issue, and learn from it, instead of blaming it on something or someone else.
Lastly is a book on my next-to-read list. “Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist: Five Mindful Practices to Silence Negative Self-Talk,” is written by Cynthia Kane. Why do I look forward to reading this book? Click on the book to buy it.
Because she talks of those mental tapes playing in our heads. And those old movies play over and over in peoples minds. Kane may well have a method of overcoming those old movies. I, for one, have a whole LIBRARY of old movies playing in my head that my spouse and I work to get rid of constantly.
Conclusion.
Correcting the self talk has been one of the most important and beneficial tasks I’ve tackled in my life. Follow me with your own journey through the process. Take time to read one of these books and send me a comment on what it did for you, did you like the book, did you feel it was a worth your time? The best of success to you!
Leave us a comment, let us know you’ve been here and tell us YOUR thoughts!
Hi
I really like this article because it is so true we can become our best friend or worst enemy just by the way that we talk to ourselves.
I believe that positive self talk is so important because it can make a big difference in our self-esteem.
Articles like this help to build awareness on the fact that it is alright to talk to yourself, may not out loud in public. lol , but to give us confidence.
I personally speak to myself in the form of affirmations daily.
Many thank
Jennifer
You know Jennifer, I think so many of us are not offered good tools for a healthy self. We have to fight and claw our way to figure it out on our own, and there is so much incorrect info, how does anyone find their way through it. I hope against hope that whatever people get out of our site, at least they gain some awareness of the possibilities for them! Thanks for stopping by, check back often for more insight!
Steve
I do talk a lot to myself. Most of the time, this talk is only inside of me or rather inside my head, but there are times when the self talk becomes audible. I never thought too much about it and being a very reserved person, I thought it was quite normal. The self talks are about giving myself a pep talk, to wish me good luck or to curse myself for a wrong thing I did. It’s all so normal for me. I have seen sports persons do that. You have listed some interesting books. I like the title “What to Say When You Talk To Your Self” and I might want to check it out. I have bookmarked this post just for the books you have mentioned. It was an interesting read.
Sukumar, I do find myself on the roof or in a mechanical room once in a while and when alone, I talk to myself outloud! No big deal! Once in a while I’ll talk to myself and not realize someone is there that I didn’t know of, and they look at me funny, I look at them funny and say, why don’t you go talk to your OWN self instead of listening to me? Hehehehe They have a laugh, I have a laugh! Keep talking to yourself, and keep up the good work on your website!! Thanks for stopping by!
Steve
Hello, I find it critical to know how to talk to ourselves. I agree in what you mention that our auto talk is like the crew of the plane, the problem is that this crew can sometimes be too self-critical or too self-indulgent, then we must first educate it to serve as a good counselor.
Tommy, so true! You need to know how that crew of the plane operates, and what better way to do that than TALK TO IT! I keep in touch with that crew every minute of every day! Hey, thanks for stopping by the site! Keep on talking!
Steve
This article has just intrigued me so much. You know all this time I’ve been thinking that talking to myself is a weakness that needs correction. I come from a background where people think that talking to own self is a sign of stress or depression but this article has just turned my thinking around.
Those books seem to be the best copies on the same point of discussion especially the “Me, Myself & Lies”. I miss to read that book and find out the kind of lies we lie to ourselves and how to correct that. How soon can I get a copy?
Much blessings in all you do.
Paul.
Hey Paul! Actually you can click on the book and order it from Amazon directly! I think if you have the Prime account it will take maybe two or three days! Although I don’t know how Amazon works in your country! Good luck, and keep talking to yourself! Thanks for visiting the site.
Steve
I am a person that talks to and argues with myself.
Talking to myself helps me to clarify my thoughts and make sense of things.
I admit sometimes I am my own worst critic finding fault with some of my actions and my body image is not what I would like it to be at the moment and I have told myself that.
But I also believe that as with a child when you offer them praise, encouragement and admiration it benefits them as they grow and I believe it is a good practice to get into with praising, encouraging and admiring myself.
After all my body is the only house I have to live in and its important to keep it healthy and happy.
You are so right! Why is it always easier to find our faults than our fantastic-ness? Truthfully, it’s a habit we got into early on and unfortunately, sometimes it takes more time to fix it than it would have been just to not get there! We are all our own critics. Honestly. Not a day goes by that I find myself unhappy with one thing or another and that’s when I find myself stopping to seriously consider the fact that I AM GREAT AND LIFE IS GREAT, AND I’M ALIVE AND WELL (despite the cold I’ve apparently contracted…every year about this time like clockwork). Positive self talk, looking at a situation and realizing if it was a failure what were the positives in it. Keep it up, it’s a habit to form, just like any other habit. Practice truly does make perfect!
So, since from my young age, I considered talking to one self as a sign of aging, a sign of stress and mental disorder , till today I ready this article. The power of learning :). I had a lot to take from your article, thank you so much.
I am my best friend surely, every time I talk to myself, I ask my self numerous questions and at the same time I answer the same question. When I succeed I cry with joy, alone in my own apartment. Its really a surprise how we fail to know how nature works.
Would love to read ” WHat to say When you talk to yourself” by Shad Helmstetter, its very important to me to develop a way of talking to myself that is positive before I talk to anyone.
Ngonidzashe, I always heard my grandmother talking to herself and I thought she was crazy, even though I loved her so much. Come to find out talking to oneself is a sure sign that you are in touch with your own feelings! And you have the benefit of getting advice from the one who knows you the best, YOU! ‘So keep talking to yourself, pick up a book on the subject and learn how to do it right! But it sounds like you’re doing a good job now! Thanks for stopping by!
Carol and Steve
Great blog and I really enjoyed reading it.
It has always been said your not crazy for talking to yourself but, if you start answering yourself then there could be a problem. I was very happy to read that I can have a full conversation with myself and not be crazy. I also liked how I am the only one that can get myself moving and I have to tell myself that I can do it.
Diane, that’s the tough part, to get up and get moving, but when you realize you’re the director of your own cruise ship, that helps! Hang in there! Thanks for visiting!
Carol and Steve